Thursday, July 3, 2008

Behind the Scenes of Episode 1: The Monster Keeper

The Smithsonian recently did a poll of scholars and eminent pop culture experts to pinpoint the single greatest moment in the history of the human civilization. Runner-up was the December 25, 0000, I can't remember exactly who but somebody important was born that day. Of course, #1 in a landslide was September 9, 1967. For those few deaf, dumb and blind people unaware of the significance of that date that might be reading this, that was the date that a certain program starring a certain epic cartoon character first premiered. That show was entitled Moby Dick and Mighty Mightor. I don't think I need to tell you who that great character was, but I'll give you a hint: it wasn't Moby Dick, though his penis has been called Moby Dick.

That stupendous first episode, which has been oft-studied, quoted and emulated by PhD's, archeologists, and generally all intelligent people that wear glasses, have fancy titles like "Doctor" and smoke those big sweet smelly pipes that you buy at the Tinder Box. Entitled "The Monster Keeper," has aged like fine wine over these past 40+ years and continues to age with each passing day like a good bottle of Two-Buck Chuck.

But behind the scenes, not every was as rosy as it appeared. That was my first episode and I was still working out the kinks a little bit. The plot was very complex and the Korg, the Monster Keeper, was a real prick. Long story short, the director asked me to take it easy on the dinosaurs I was fighting. Instead of pummeling their skulls into french toast with my incredibly massive fists, the asked me to merely throw them a thousand feet into the air to appease the censors. Weak sauce. Still, I have fond memories of that first ep.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

How can you tell if a guy is a douche?

If he wears a hat inside, that's a dead giveaway. Especially if it is a baseball cap that is tilted at a calculated angle and is not affiliated with a major league baseball team. Not only is that a douche signifier, but he's probably bald or has a horrible hairline that he is trying to hide, too. Weak sauce, bitch.