Secret identities -- What a pain in the @$^#%

An annoying predicament faced by the vast majority of superheroes is how to keep their secret identity secret. For some, it is easy. Superman just puts on those 60s-era nerd glasses and -- voila -- instant fool-proof secret identity: mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Planet, Clark Kent.

However, Supes actually confided in me one time that though his secret identity seems simple on the surface, it actually is a pain in the ass to maintain and he wishes he'd chosen a different disguise for himself way-back-when. Specifically, since he spends about 90% of his time as Kent, he wishes he had thought of adopting more of a disguise as part of his Superman persona -- that way he wouldn't be wearing unnecessary dorky glasses 90% of the time. Perhaps a groucho Marx mustache or Leonard Nimoy Vulcan Ears or something. The problem with those is that they would burn up while flying through the atmosphere of the Earth, but still, it's a dilemma.

The second problem is that, with the ever-increasing prevalence of LASIK eye surgery, it is getting more and more difficult to explain to Lois and Jimmy why he is still fussing with glasses at all.

Of course, the more perplexing question is why can't Lois and Jimmy recognize Kent is Supes despite the glasses? The answer, sir, is because he also tones down his heroic tenor voice so that it sounds meeker, natch. So you see, it is very plausible that nobody can recognize him.

That said, it is certainly much easier for me to maintain my secret identity seeing as how I, Mightor, outweigh Tor (my alter ego) by 200 pounds and am a full foot taller. Not to mention much better-looking. With such a disparity in physical characteristics, I don't need to bother with glasses or any of that other nonsense. My alter ego is fool-proof and nigh undetectable.

I guess the only question that remains is, considering how awesome I am as Mightor, and what a tool Tor is -- why don't I just remain Mightor 100% of the time? And the answer of course is -- because that would destroy the delicate awesome/non-awesome balance of the universe, which would result in a massive a space-time rift that would wreak havoc across the cosmos and cause horrific impossibilities such as the Earth crashing into the sun. Stephen Hawking even theorized that it might result in a full reunion of New Kids on the Block. Thankfully, the only time I spend as Mightor is when I'm either fighting villains or going on a date (or writing this blog).